given to Nate by the grils on our trip....

Tips for Nate!

(Remember: these guidelines are written by females to help you gain a better understanding of the opposite gender. Feel free to not change your habits around your buddies…its all about context!)

1. Farting around your homeboys may be permitted, but not all homegirls will appreciate your ability to fart the loudest, longest, or even smelliest.
2. Gleaking, spiting, and drooling is not attractive unless you are under the age of two.
3. Leave squealing to girls…they need you to protect them!
4. It is always better to keep your hands to yourself. Leave punching matches for guys’ nights!
5. Don’t bring attention to embarrassing moments…leave pointing and laughing for when you are not in public.
6. Girls respond better to whispered complements in their ears over loud barking…always remember, “I am a human, NOT a canine.”
7. Do you not leave your dirty underwear on the floor, especially inside-out!
8. Never show the coin slot…wear a belt boy…no girl wants to see your vertical smile.
9. Learn to be tactful in pointing out the amount of an over priced item in a high quality store.
10. Do not repeatedly smack the air while saying “oh, yeah, oh, yeah!”
11. Regarding the table:
1. Despite common practice it is not always polite to overly exert bodily functions.
2. Chewing with your mouth shut is not just a polite gesture, it is mandatory
3. The path of food is from the plate to the mouth.
4. Utensils are not weapons but tools for transporting the food along that path, there is no need for aggression.
5. Napkins are for prevention of stains not for attempting to remove the aftermath
6. Wipe off your mouth before sipping out of a glass.
7. Leaving your wallet at home is not a good start if you are paying for the meal. Also make it clear at the beginning of the date who is paying, but it is better to be the gentleman and pay anyway.
12. Shoes and their scents go on the feet not up your nose.
13. Showers are great! They keep you clean, healthy, and people around.
14. “Stupendous” is a cute phrase is for children and does not work well as a word of endearment for a sweetie.
15. When asking a girl if she is ready to go to the car, refrain from demanding her to “Get to the Chopper!”
16. If the girl has to excuse herself to go to the restroom keep composure without saying “again, how long will you be?”
17. Not all women are impressed with how much of the burger you can stuff in your mouth at one time. However, if you find a girl who challenges your burger eating ability you may have found a winner!
18. NEVER, NEVER agree with a girl when she says she is fat.
19. Girls enjoy meaningful conversations that may pertain to real life! In these moments avoid cartoon impressions.
20. God blessed you with a sense of humor, use it to your advantage.
21. Keep God number one and He will work out all the details.
22. …